Firstly, let me thank Tim Gatt @timgatt (well worth a follow - he's a top Sky News type) for that title, as used in last week's retweet.
Usual health warning!
This is not an extensive list of everything that is happening, but you have got all the flash-points, plus quite a bit more.
It's Defence Questions in the Commons today, followed by the Health and Social Care Bill, which gets it's Second Reading.
Oona King, the former MP for Bethnal Green and Bow, de-elected by the public in 2005 when George Galloway took the seat with a majority 723 is to be introduced to the Lords... one of many who re-enters Parliament after being booted out by the electorate. Sir Gulan Noon and Jennifer Randerson are also introduced... PLUS it's day 15 of the Parliamentary Voting and Constituencies Bill, so don't expect an early rise!
The IFS has a report out today suggesting that rich people will lose more in April when 750,000 people are nudged in to the higher tax rate.
Immigration Minister Damian Green will be speaking at an event with Helen Goodman, and representatives from the Association of Chief Police Officers on the future of criminal justice and policing. I'm sure following his wrongful arrest in 2009, he'll have a thing or two to say to them.
The Political and Constitutional Reform Committee will be in session taking evidence on the tricky issue of voting for prisoners. The Tory Leadership is of course loudly hinting to backbenchers that they must feel free to stop proposals going through that would allow all prisoners who are sentenced to less than four years to have a vote.
Baroness Pauline Neville Jones will appear before Keith Vaz's Home Affairs Select Committee to clarify last week's confusing announcement. The Home Secretary announced one week ago today that 28 day detention will be reduced to 14 - but in serious cases it can still be 28. In other words, 28 days remains... no? Control Orders are to be replaced with something similar, but we're not sure what it's going to be called yet. The only alteration will be monitored access to mobile telephones and computers. The bottom line here (and I could write thousands of words on this) is that on the face of it, the shake up leaves most of the current provisions, such as section 44 stop and search, in place, but the powers will just be known as something else. This will be a really interesting session. Try and catch it.
It's Foreign Office Questions in the Commons - and later, it's the fifth day of a Committee of the entire House on the European Union Bill.
The Former Joint Chief of Staff Sir Jock Stirrup is introduced to the Lords today, in time for day 16 of the Parliamentary voting and Constituencies Bill. Under current legislation, if the Government doesn't get the Bill passed, and the Queen's sign off by February 16, the referendum can't take place on May 5th, which would be a disaster for the Coalition. Fear not though loyal fans of the Cleggolition, I'm sure they'd force through a one line Bill changing the law.
Lending figures to individuals for the month of December are released today.
It's PMQ's today of course, and Afghanistan is likely to feature given the Labour Leader's trip to Afghanistan alongside Douglas Alexander and Jim Murphy at the weekend. We note of course that Mr Miliband told Soldiers that Afghanistan is not an issue for Party Politics, but that "it is right" that this is not a war without an end.
The National Audit Office has a report out on NHS procurement.
*** FLASH POINT **** Former Foreign Secretary Jack Straw is up before Chilcot's Iraq Inquiry! What did he know, and when did he know it? **** FLASH POINT ****
It's day 17 of the Parliamentary Voting and Constituencies Bill! (PINCHES SELF TO WAKE UP).
Jim Devine is up before Southwark Crown Court, charged with offences under the Theft Act. Today is expected to be the first day of the former Labour MP for Livingston's Trial. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
It's Environment and Rural Affairs Questions in the Commons, followed by Business Questions to Sir George Young (Leader of the House).
The Public Bill Committee takes evidence on the Localism Bill.
Prime Minister David Cameron attends the European Council along with European Heads of State.
It's a sitting Friday - with the Green Party's Caroline Lucas amongst the lucky members who get to debate their Private Members Bills. Her's is on Consumer Credit.
Insolvency Statistics for Q4 of 2010 are out.
Today is the deadline for free accreditation to attend the Liberal Democrats Spring Conference.
It's time to tackle Britain's welfare ghettoes - Any policy which will simplify our complex benefit system and ensure that employment pays more than welfare dependency is a good one. Signed On, Written Of...
9 hours ago