2016 and the SAS can't get up the stairs

It's 2016 and Lord Hutton's pension reforms have been implemented by the last coalition government.

Of course, things are very different now that we have an SNP Home Secretary, and of course because the police, fire-service workers and military all have to work through till 60.

Earlier today, the SAS were stair-lifted in to Afghanistan where violence has broken out on a mass scale, and all 93 British soldiers have been deployed to the region.

The entire Royal Lagistics Corps were called out to assist the SAS whose arthritis prevented them from picking up their adapted M16's.

Lt. Col Jarman said both of his men performed well under pressure, not letting their age related macular degeneration stop them from doing their job. The only unfortunate moment came when they accidentally handed an M16 to terrorists given that at their time of life, both of his men are only able to see shadows

A meals on wheels mini-van was also deployed to the region to cater for the army, and the left-over food is being shipped back to Britain and donated to Homeless charities.

PC Paul Blyth said,

"I've been sleeping rough ever since my rent aid, which was red-lined in 1993 was stopped and when the withdrawal of free travel and proper pension provisions meant that I lost my home. This food will come as a welcome relief to all of the Officers on D Division.

He continued,

"I only wish the nurses at St. Mary's Hospital weren't all occupied giving colleagues bed baths. It would be good if someone could cut the meat up. It's hard to chew with false teeth you know.

In other news, the local boy-scouts were drafted in to rescue the Green Watch from Waterloo fire station earlier after fire damage meant their only route of escape was down a ladder.

Fire Chief Simmons said,

"Of course a few of my ladies and gentleman have already had their hip replacements, but for the rest of us, I daren't think of the reaction if we were late for the Derby and Joan Dominos night."

*** A sign of things to come? ****
I hope not.

Dear Government,
ignore Lord Hutton.

Sincerely yours,

a taxpayer!

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